A Hole in my Garden

Tulips

2010-05-04T22:51:00.001-07:00

How do you manage to keep your cat out of your thread box? You cannot
manage a cat so you have to manage your thread box.

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

2010-04-11T15:28:00.007-07:00

How do you manage to keep your cat out of your thread box? You cannot
manage a cat so you have to manage your thread box.

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

2010-04-11T15:28:00.005-07:00

How do you manage to keep your cat out of your thread box? You cannot
manage a cat so you have to manage your thread box.

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

2010-04-11T15:28:00.003-07:00

How do you manage to keep your cat out of your thread box? You cannot
manage a cat so you have to manage your thread box.

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

2010-04-11T15:28:00.001-07:00

How do you manage to keep your cat out of your thread box? You cannot
manage a cat so you have to manage your thread box.

Winter pansies

2010-03-19T13:39:00.001-07:00

Bleeding heart 2 weeks later

2010-03-07T14:33:00.001-08:00

Heaven in my backyard

2010-03-06T13:11:00.001-08:00

The next victim

2010-02-21T11:28:00.003-08:00

Saturday after

2010-02-21T11:28:00.001-08:00

Friday after

2010-02-21T11:27:00.001-08:00

The hole in my garden

2010-02-18T22:29:00.001-08:00

Cherry blossoms opened

2010-02-17T21:32:00.001-08:00

Love doesn't always turn out the way you expect

2010-02-17T21:30:00.001-08:00

No really - there is a hole in my garden

2010-02-15T17:26:00.000-08:00

I have broken up with coffee man - we're not seeing each other save a brain injury on either side.

I mowed my lawn. There is a hole that looks like a critter has been digging at. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Science experiments in a brita

2010-02-08T15:05:00.001-08:00

Timidly tacking shiny satin

2010-02-04T22:19:00.001-08:00

My Chimney

2010-01-30T00:21:00.001-08:00

Icon donor

2010-01-28T21:54:00.001-08:00

Cat shot

2010-01-27T22:42:00.001-08:00

Attack cat

2010-01-22T10:07:00.001-08:00

54 and fair

2010-01-18T16:28:00.001-08:00

Art Quilt 0 - it didn't start that way

2010-01-15T15:19:00.001-08:00

PM work

2010-01-14T19:14:00.001-08:00

My drive

2010-01-13T18:05:00.001-08:00

Gyotake?

2010-01-09T14:26:00.001-08:00

Rice - of beans and rice

2010-01-08T15:44:00.001-08:00

Headache medicine? or mere cat?

2010-01-07T10:23:00.001-08:00

Morning drive

2010-01-06T07:38:00.001-08:00

Drops on the branches

2010-01-04T14:51:00.001-08:00

2009 Best Christmas Tree

2010-01-03T14:06:00.001-08:00

Bah - still at work

2009-12-28T17:55:00.001-08:00

Backyard Leaves

2009-12-27T22:50:00.001-08:00

Part 1 - blocked, finished part 2 tonight

Christmas cups are gone

2009-12-26T10:08:00.001-08:00

Orange gingerbread cookies

2009-12-24T10:01:00.001-08:00

Gingerbread Cookies for the Holidays from Alex Guarnaschelli

Scott socks

2009-12-23T07:32:00.001-08:00

two almonds and half an egg white

2009-10-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't help it. I was talking to a friend this weekend. His wife is involved in body building. He was saying that some folks there have meals that consist of 2 almonds and half an egg white. There is always the sick part of me that thinks someone who can eat like that is very disciplined and NOT sick. It is a curious line between compulsion/illness and dedication.

Sunday discovery

2009-09-13T16:44:00.001-07:00

This is what I found this morning. Apparently he was pushed to the
edge like humpty dumpty. Kind of a bummer.

Home Home Home

2009-09-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

I have bought a house. It's a little three bedroom in the same town where I've been living since moving to Puget Sound. I love my house and love the back yard.

Today was the second time this week when I woke up and saw my mother's skin when I looked in the mirror. It has scared me.

I looked at my bank account. I'm scared.

I am uncomfortable just about anywhere I am right now.

Testing o - Part 1

2009-09-09T21:28:00.007-07:00

This is the scene of my back yard just after I took possesion of my house a week and a half ago.

Testing o - Part 2

2009-09-09T21:28:00.005-07:00

I bought these from the local nursery. They are some form of steppables.

Testing o - Part 3

2009-09-09T21:28:00.003-07:00

This is my little section of heaven after a trip to the local Mart. The hook for the bird feeders and the pansies are new.

Testing o - Part 4

2009-09-09T21:28:00.001-07:00

These are more pansies that I planted in the front between the house and the walkway.

What is it?

2009-05-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Life has been crazy. Work has been crazy busy. Life is good. The boyfriend is GREAT. I am in the process of buying a house. I am a grown up... crap. A house... what am I thinking?

Ok - I'm really digging the idea of painting walls and gardening.

Money and Passwords

2009-03-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

In an effort to help me with a technical issue, the boyfriend cracked my password. The crazy part is that I'm ok with it.

I am trying to decide what to do to be a responsible grown up. I got a corporate america bonus and a cost of living increase.

The cost of living increase was spent on a new iPhone (and the freakin' increase in my cellphone bill b/c of it). I LOVE THE iPhone. It really does rock. The G1 is cool, but it's not THAT cool.

The bonus has been bounced around as the seed money for a new car, my big adventure into stocks, a shiny new bicycle as well as a "kick ass Hawaii vacation". After a week or so, I have returned to reality. I put half in savings and the other half toward credit card debit. I didn't want to write the check for the bill. I thought I would rather keep it in savings as a nest egg in this crazy economy. However, I realized I would watch it slowly wittle away on frivioulous things. Tonight I was looking at fancy cars and just accepted the fact that I would feel more comfortable paying down my bills and driving my car for another year.

It's boring, but true.

I did hedge my bets a bit and put a little aside in case I really want to get the new bike.

tnt Tuesday

2009-03-17T16:27:00.001-07:00

Work was productive. Very productive. This is one of my views during the day. It's part of the redneck carpool rounds.

45 Days to Hawaii

2009-03-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

I am waxing on Saturday. Ug. Matt is only making fun of me a little.

In addition to that, a friend has asked me to talk with her daughter. She's 16, depressed, questioning religion. I have this intense desire to say the right thing. The thing that will make the light of God shine on her face and all will be well. What a load of crap! I am qualified only because of my angst as a former teenager and what I've gone through to become the productive member of society that I am today. There is no magic bullet. When I was her age my mother imparted her words of wisdom "Hope that tomorrow will be better than today." I thought it was a complete load when she told me. A few years later when my butt was on fire it was what I kept reminding myself "tomorrow will be better". I have been on anti-depressants for 8+ years now and don't really want to see if I can live without them. Who cares? I'm happy... or at least better than I ever was before.

I've dealt with a bunch of people with mental illness. My pet Canadian killed himself last year. Suicide seems to be on a lot of people's minds. I guess it's that time of the year.

So I'll pray before I go to meet her Sunday morning. All will be well. I will say what God needs me to say and hear what God needs me to hear. All will be well.

49 Days - Hairy Succulents

2009-03-06T16:31:00.000-08:00

The boyfriend and I bought our first plant together about a year ago. It was a healthy little succulent when we bought it. After 9 months in his care it has died from over watering. I trashed it the other day when I was helping clean up his living room. A few weeks earlier I snapped off a few leaves "just in case". I bought a desk lamp. Put a grow light in it. Put the light on a timer and pointed it at the little guys. I looked at them this morning and was suprised to see that they were putting out roots. Whee!

grateful: sunshine, plants, the color green

me: I can organize. I can clean. I can appreciate sunshine.

50 days - Whoops

2009-03-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

For some reason I thought I had posted every day this week. Ah well, such is life.

grateful: yellow, the texture of tree bark, the smell of pine
me: willingness to look at the root cause, willingness to wait for a treadmill rather than just blowing off the run, that I called my parents today

I would like to participate in a "symptom".

1. Do I want help?
2. Do I believe God can help me?
3. Am I willing to have God help?

mmm maybe tomorrow...

53 Days to Hawaii - life still sucks

2009-03-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

Today was hard.

grateful: email, new friends, old lessons

me: self knowledge, ask for help, using emotional skills

54 Days - the interior struggle

2009-03-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

I'm struggling with a breaking a bad habit. I was doing pretty well for a while there. Last night I had a bit of an episode and it's been on my mind all day. The struggle tonight is to start over and not do it today.

grateful: good habits, people nuttier than I am, people who are nutty like me

me: I complement my boyfriend. I have been sticking to my new running and fitness plan. I restrained myself from impulse spending this weekend.

56 Days - Sunshine and Tulips

2009-02-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a really great day. I left work early. I got flowers from a friend. There was a TON of sunshine. I'm really grooving on life. I get my eyes checked tomorrow and I am thinking that I should get an iPhone. M and I were at the mall tonight and I was able to play with it. After dealing with the Samsung Behold, the iPhone was really smooth. My contract is up with my current carrier next month. I'm thinking that it's time for a change.

grateful: sunshine, tulips, heat

me: creative, committed, Runner

Gratitude and Life

2009-02-26T23:13:00.000-08:00

I think my cultivation of a positive attitude is working. I'm really feeling better when I'm not at work. I have other things that are keeping my attention.

gratitude: my cat, the color green, the feeling of a good stretch

me: my desire to change, the willingness to do the work, the humilty to understand that it is all gift from God.

I should start writing these earlier in the evening. By the time I get around to it I'm too tired to really want to do a deep dive on anything.

Snow is pretty - 57 Days

2009-02-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

I love the way the snow looks this morning. The roads here got worse the closer I got to the office.

58 Days - Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

I am a phoenix rising from the ashes. Today was a big pile of poo. There was a catastrophic alignment of hormones, physical ache-y-ness, work crap, and ignorance that was annoying. I did notice that I am swearing less. I don't know if it's the physical exercise, the regular prayer and meditation or just the natural ebb and flow of my mental health. I'm swearing less. That's good. I get to use a larger vocabulary to describe how I feel and what's going on in my world. Adjectives and adverbs that don't begin with "F" are neat.

I'm dog tired so here's my list.

grateful: spiral macaroni and cheeze, a WONDERFUL boyfriend, grace of God

me: I like that I'm comfortable with who I am today - I'm not overly embarrassed about crying or general "girl stuff". It's how God made women. It's ok. I like that I bought shoes today instead of eating at my emotional stuff. I like that I am willing to explore the connection between emotion and eating in my behavior.

I added the weather for Hawaii to my google homepage tonight. I bought 4 pairs of shoes. 1 pair of sensible black shoes and three pairs of sandals for Hawaii. I'm going to need something to wear with my dresses.... right?

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

I ate lots of sweets. I don't know how much of the good life I was living. The girl scout cookies were yummy, but the other sweets were just because it was Fat Tuesday.

grateful: my wonderful boyfriend, my good fortune today, modern medicine

me: the fact that I know my good fortune comes from God, that I did work out yesterday when I was ready to just go to bed, that I am learning to cook

Sleep and Change

2009-02-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

grateful: headache meds, sunshine, cat people

me: pretty blue eyes, cute toes, narrow feet

61 Days

2009-02-22T22:31:00.000-08:00

Today I started trying to "shape up" for the trip. I've hung my dresses up in obvious places. I did the weigh in and measure bit. I'm hoping to be able to drop a few pounds before the trip. That would make me feel better about wearing less clothing.

Here's to eating better, drinking more water and moving every day.

When Do I Start the Countdown

2009-02-21T23:13:00.000-08:00

I was wondering when I should start the countdown to Hawaii. Is it going to help motivate me to work harder on my fitness and nutrition plan? I realized that I have three dresses already. M and I were talking about whether to get a jeep or a convertible.

grateful: music, the human voice, warm sand

me: the shape of my feet, my sense of humor, my keen mind

Hawaii Uh Oh

2009-02-20T21:56:00.001-08:00

In an odd set of events, I'm going to Hawaii at the end of April. The boyfriend found a great deal. That paired with a tax refund has lead us to a vacation.

Have to fit it into my busy schedule at work, but I am TOTALLY STOKED!

I'm thinking it might actually be some incentive to change what I've been eating. We'll see how that goes.

grateful: the unexpected, vacation time, tropical islands

me: flexible mind (more so than before), faith and sense of color

Knitting and Boys and the Big 6

2009-02-19T23:06:00.000-08:00

I got together with the girls tonight to knit. I have my sleeve at about 16 inches. Whee!

The boyfriend has decided he wants to go to Hawaii. Tax returns and travel emails collide. I have agreed to ask my boss for the time off. I have NO idea whether he'll let me go or not. We have a HUGE deadline and it's before then. Hawaii.

I'm still amazed that the boyfriend was able to help me find my 'yes' for the Crater Lake Rim Run. I think of the guys I work with did the marathon there. He's TOUGH... seriously.

grateful: for finding my yes, surviving work and getting one PITA item off my plate, cruiser bicycles and baskets

me: moving from f*** to "effing", running again, finally get to the core workout and talking myself from "why-bother-you're-so-weak to ya-gotta-start-somewhere-more-room-for-progress"

Itchy Eyes

2009-02-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

My eyes are dry today and they itch.

grateful for:

1.) the hope of running a beautiful course - I think I'm going to sign up for a run around Crater Lake in OR I've always wanted to visit the lake.

2.) A boyfriend that helps me reach beyond what I think my limitations are - M nudged me to run in the 6.7 mile race even if I thought the half marathon would be too much. So I've set a reminder for the registration date. There are only 500 spots, so I hope I get in.

3.) learning to cook - I printed off the one dish wonders article and plan on dreaming up some new mix and match casseroles.

Things I like about me:
1.) That I can laugh.
2.) That I'm willing to put forth the effort to change
3.) That I am writing regularly again... 3 days count... right?

Day 2 of new habits

2009-02-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

This is day 2 - I'm tired. I was up early.

me: that I can change, that I am willing to learn today, that I have hope and faith that change can happen.

grateful: that I can cry in front of my boyfriend and we're both ok with it. that I can admit to him that I'm cranky and we're both ok with it. that I'm not the person I used to be - in particular I hope/think that I am more generous and accepting of others than I used to be.

I have two more things to do before I brush my teeth and go to bed.

Night.

Vegetables and Meatloaf

2009-02-16T21:49:00.000-08:00

The most extravagant Valentine's Day present give my me - ever - is the powerful KitchenAid 12 cup food processor seen above. My dbf is chopping up vegetables for the wonderful Alton Brown inspired meatloaf. We use Alton's basic recipe and then modify it for dbf's creative satisfaction. The boy sees recipes as mere guidelines for a dish. It works for him, but my creative food endeavours haven't worked so well in the past. That being said - Runner's World has a "mix and match" caserole recipe that I've been using. It's helped me tap into my creative cooking potential by giving me guidelines to work within. It rocks.

grateful: good eats (the show), good eats (healthy tasty food), good friends

things I like about me: I am learning to cook. I am taking care of myself. I can "let things unfold" as they do.

Knitting and the big 6

2009-02-15T23:39:00.000-08:00

I have started on a basic sweater pattern from an online source. I am using acrylic yarn (gasp). I know. I know. I am nearly ashamed. I almost want this to be my dirty little secret. However, I have decided that I need a practical sweater that I am not afraid to wear because it cost a million dollars in yarn and might felt to the size a six year old could wear.

I have also decided to look for a new winter coat. My current heavy winter coat is the one I got in college after an incident during Spring Break. That was about 10 years ago. I think I can afford a new coat. I don't think it's necessarily wasteful to get a new coat. The key is to get one that is the right size for me - not too large b/c the old one is HUGE. I can get a pretty one that is the right size and then donate my big arctic coat to someone who will really value the warmth that it can provide. That makes it better right?

Now for the Big 6...

I am hoping to make a habit of listing 6 things. 3 things I'm grateful for and then 3 things I like about myself. It's a dorky habit, but I'm trying to do the same thing that I've asked a friend to do (someone I'm mentoring). I don't know if I'll be posting them online regularly, but here's to starting new habits.

Grateful: I didn't call Valentine's Day "VD" or "Pathetic Lovers' Day" once out loud this year. I had an awesome weekend with my boyfriend that was more than I could have asked for in a Valentine's Day Weekend... and it didn't go the way I planned. :) I have a job, and a long weekend away from it.

Things I like about me: I can laugh at myself. I enjoy being a dork - and am happy and whole being one. I am willing to try new things.

What are you grateful for? What do you like about yourself?

I can laugh at myself today.

Horrible Cold and Shopping

2008-12-28T21:40:00.000-08:00

I have a horrible cold. This has been aggravated by an emotional situation which boils down to fear - fear of losing what I have and not getting what I want. It is also closely related to social status - "y'all won't like me" stuff. I still feel incredibly needy. I'm also fighting a cold or sinus infection.

I've spent more time at the mall in the last two days than I have in the last two or three months. I only spent $20. I bought a $10 skirt and a a $10 pair of sunglasses. Then I came home tonight and bought what I really needed online - bras, underwear, one more pair of jeans and a dress. I think that the majority of my wardrobe is good now. This is assumes that I don't drop a bunch of weight and need to buy skinnier clothes.

This leads to another emotional area that may have contributed to my meltdown Friday night - sugar, flour and running. I feel better about myself and the world when I avoid sugar, grains (especially white flour) and run on a regular basis. I did ok for a week. I even switched from mocha to diet pepsi. I did drink a LOT of diet pepsi for a week.

Testing the Microsoft World Dominations

2008-12-25T19:47:00.001-08:00

I'm trying out a Microsoft product. I'm wondering if it will facilitate more blogging or creativity or something

Christmas Lists

2008-12-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when someone asks what I want for Christmas I can't really put my finger on what I would like? Then I get to driving, working out, drawing and think "x would be nice to have". That's where I've been. I'm trying not to get too much stuff for folks - I'm boycotting "stuff". The problem is that it is still ingrained in me that people need stuff to open on Christmas day. Some things just go deeper than I thought.

Things I think would be nice to get, but haven't told anyone about:

a laptop bag - rolling, large enough to fit my huge screen
gym bag - something that I can fit my stuff into, organize the shower stuff and carry along with my laptop bag
sweatshirts - I did ask for a Seahawks sweatshirt. I do need warm clothes.
a travel watercolor bush - round # 8 would be nice I think I saw a swivel one that seemed divine
an engagement ring - but I've gotten one of these for Christmas before, so I'm not completely sold on it, but I wouldn't turn it down either

I feel greedy for having a list. I do well enough that if there is something I want I will go out and buy it myself. If I haven't bought it, well then, it's usually more expensive and I'm not comfortable putting it on the list.

Merry Christmas.

Kitty in love

2008-12-05T09:38:00.001-08:00

I am working from home this morning and in an attempt to quiet the animal - I played dirty. I broke out the catnip mouse - gave it a good crinkle and a toss. JD is now loving it up and then attacking it. But the yeowing has stopped for now. He's a very talkative cat.

Antiques for Christmas

2008-12-02T21:37:00.000-08:00

It is the time of year when I start thinking about Christmas lists. I haven't made one yet this year. I circled some stuff in an art supplies catalog and left it at my folks house. Does that count?

I have borrowed the boyfriend's digital SLR. I am in the process of downloading software and drivers so that I can get the photos I've taken to my computer. I'm not all that excited about getting the pictures to the world, but it is a way for me to get my sketches from paper into electronic format. I never thought I would need a scanner ever again. Since I've started keeping a sketchbook, it seems like a useful thing to have around. Unfortunately, I don't have one and I can't quite see buying one so I can have it sitting around in 6 months when I've moved from sketching to some other interest.

Next on my Christmas list - wii and wii fit - gaming console seems like an excuse to exercise and get a new gadget... right? I've heard that the balance and strength stuff is actually work.

But Wait!

2008-11-25T20:51:00.000-08:00

There's more... ok not really, but I didn't know how to start this. I could go on about how I never post any more or apologize for not posting more regularly. Who really wants to hear that? Life has been busy and blogging has not been a priority. I hate to post without a picture and I don't want to post a yucky pictures. I myself prefer blogs with pictures.

I have been doing a lot of drawing and painting. I was wondering if there was something that would entice me to blog more regularly... I'm still wondering.

Life is good. The cat is alive. Everyone is healthy. I still like the boyfriend - oh here's some big news. I brought him home to Michigan to meet the family. Actually, I brought him home to meet my godmother, grandmother and father. We all survived. There was some concern since there are a large number of natural blondes in West Michigan, my dad has a moderate filter and my boyfriend is hispanic (yes, like Zorro - which both my dad and my godmoter mentioned).

Since we've gotten back life is much better. I've mellowed out - he met my family and still wants to date me.

Cold War Movies

2008-10-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm watching a cold war movie. I'm wondering if they are communicating in English or Russian when using Morse code. I'm assuming English since the movie was written in English.

In case you are wondering, there are separate codes for English and Russian - mostly because of the cyrillic alphabet.

Drawing in Color

2008-09-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

I have bought a bunch of color pencils. I have started noodling around in color. I have rearranged my living room furniture so that I can set a dining room chair on the coffee table and arrange fruit on the seat so it is about eye level. All so I can draw from my favorite spot on the couch. I bought fruits and veggies this week with an eye to drawing them as well as eating them.

I have 3 peppers - yellow, red and orange, a plum, a nectarine, a pomegranate AND a turnip. The label in the store says that the turnip will taste like mellowed radish when cooked. I will have to read about how to open the pomegranate. I saw an episode of Good Eats where they make jello and lamb, but I can't seem to remember how Alton would get to the fruity goodness inside.

Anyway, I have tried to draw the orange pepper and the plum so far. The pepper had a good shape, but I missed something with the transition from the "face" to the side. The plum isn't as bad as I thought when I finished it a few minutes ago. The main thing that I notice is that one side is pointy so it looks much like a dark easter egg. doh! I was much better at noticing the different tones in the shadows tonight. I also did a contour line drawing hoping that it would help keep the highlight areas clean (a problem I had with the peppers last night). It did help with the highlights. I think I did better with that. The problem was that after the first or second layer of color I couldn't really see the contours any more.

This is day 2 of a week of still life - I made notes with arrows and everything. I'm realizing that there is SO much more for me to learn. I'm just starting to see the edges of building color and composition and skin tones. I thought retablos were for me, but I don't know. I've decided to take a break and see what develops. Right now it's an interest in color. I really want to break out the watercolors and start working, but I can't seem to get off the couch and stretch paper. My notebook is warping when I paint in it - so I've sworn it off for a while.

This weekend I did stimulate the economy a bit by buying tubes of watercolor paint, MORE paper and another palette to boot. Today i have spent my "free time" getting some of the more mundane bill paying tasks out of the way. I have finally decided to do the automatic bill pay on as much of my stuff as I can - it started with student loans a few months ago. Today I tried to put my phone bill on it. I managed to do one credit card. I have two more credit cards to go. I'm a bit worried about how it's going to go. We'll see.

Artsy, Leadership and Politics

2008-09-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

I was given a little assignment last week from a friend. I was supposed to do some journaling to find a hidden "super power". This would be something that everyone else would see as being a matter of course or no big surprise. It's not a way that I would describe myself.

I would love for people to describe me as artistic, creative, talented in the art sense. I've really been focusing on developing a more traditional art talent in drawing and painting. It's been very rewarding at times and at other times it's just another place for me to dump my perfectionist energy.

Anyway, this same friend, in the same conversation, asked if I had ever considered going into politics. I have. I remember that when I was in elementary school there were some that thought that I would end up as a senator or something. Life happens and in high school and college I started collecting skeletons in my closets. Here it is a number of years later. My life has changed pretty dramatically. Sometimes I feel well adjusted and prepared to start fighting for real justice through the political system within the United States. It is easy to sit back and whinge about the state of politics, about how nothing gets done, about how all politicians are crooks and the like. Are you ready to stand up and change that? Am I ready to stand up and change that? Am I ready to work on an issue long term looking for a solution that will inevitably require compromise and really working with folks for change?

I don't want people to think that I am a leader with political savvy. I don't want the responsibility of actually using the gift that God gave me if it leads to political office or dealing with the paperwork of legislating. I would much rather avoid the annoyances.

Summer Colds and Winter Plans

2008-08-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

I've been battling a summer cold this week. I'm stuffy and runny and a bit fevery.

I still think boys are dumb, but I am reconciled that they are not malicious. The coffee bean is still the light of my life and continues to show he cares with both word and deed.

I spoke with the traveler - traded text messages really. He's a good man, but not as good a fit as the coffee bean. I thought there would be wedding bells before the end of summer, but I guess not. I am just trying to remember that at the beginning of this I said I was going to sit back and enjoy the ride. Sometimes it's easy, other times not so much. Time keeps ticking away and I get to refine my trust in God.

At work today we were setting project timelines and I realized that if I was going to get home this year I would have to get in gear. I couple months ago I was hoping to get home in September. Now I'm looking at November-ish. I'll bring the coffee bean - so it's going to be long enough to make it worth the time and short enough to be not so much torture for him. We're working out the details.

Men are Idiots - again

2008-08-17T00:21:00.000-07:00

This is a personal rant, very personal for me. I saw a picture of the coffee bean's ex-wife. He's had it up in the living room since before we started dating. For some reason I was looking at the pictures today. I was hoping that the picture was a group from work or school. Being foolish, not thinking that I might be looking at his ex, i asked about the pictures.

His ex is a Kiera Knightly look alike - blonde, skinny, everything I will never be. In the last few hours I have gone through most of the body image fun. So I'm feeling like shit about that. I go from every voice in my head telling me that I am not enough to acceptance that I'm fine.

I am worried that he's still too emotionally involved even though it's been a few years. I don't want to get jerked around by another man. I want to get married in the next year. The truth is that if he's not up for that I would rather have my heart broken now than have the slow agony of waiting. I want him to choose me.

The question is, how do you put a time limit on how long you're willing to wait? How do you communicate that without it being a bitch?

Oh yeah, after 4 hours of crying - God's in charge and I'm screaming my plans at him at the top of my lungs, desperate for the world to go my way.

Blogger is sucking

2008-06-25T10:40:00.001-07:00

Last night I was ready to post something really meaty. I have pictures. I have finished knit objects. I have substance of a fiber variety.

But blogger was not working the way I wanted it too. I was uploading photos, updating ravelry, I was on fire for updating - but no internets. :(

One Hat to Rule Them All

2008-06-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

No really, I found one of THE coolest sites EVER - right up there with the Canadian plan to take over the US.

It's theanticraft.com OMG!!

One Hat to Rule Them All

And don't forget to check out the most recent edition - it's all about BACON!

My Big Mouth

2008-06-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

I think this weekend was the first time in a while where I have opened my mouth and gotten athelete's tongue. In the past this happened quite often, but not so much as of recent years.

It started Friday during the morning coffee run. It proceeded to escalate Friday afternoon during the pm coffee run. It hit the Friday peak when I called the Grand Vitara something along the lines of the Grand (insert female anatomy v-word) when describing to my boss where to drop me off. Yep, said the v-word without a second though to my male boss. The next words were, "I just said that out loud didn't I?" doh!

Saturday was a lot of nit-picking "fun" with the new boyfriend. We spent most of the day at an uneasy truce or sniping at each other. I'm not really sure how the explosion before dinner happened, but it made for an icy meal. That really was too bad since it was Greek.

Sunday I made a comment about what needed to happen before I'd be interested in doing a complete lawn renovation. About 10 or 20 minutes later I appologized and noted that I really should make sure I want to go down that road before I start shooting off my mouth. The problem, and hence catalyst for this post, is that today he's getting some things done to make that happen. They are steps that must be completed before garden-deciding event.

My thoughts run to the likes of "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."

So I'm not sure if I need to go to the gym, vomit, lay down or find sugar or caffine. I'm thinkin' it can be summed up by, "uh oh".

Wisdom from the Web

2008-06-03T09:14:00.001-07:00

If you trust Google more than your doctor then maybe it’s time to switch
doctors.
Jadelr and Cristina Cordova , Chasing Windmills, 08-21-06

I have had some odd conversations with my doctor recently and cannot say enough about finding the right health care professional for you. I discussed some things with my doctor the last time I was in and it was abundantly clear that we did not agree about some basic things. I didn't walk out, but I did start looking for another health care provider that day.

Finished Object Photos

2008-05-28T13:58:00.000-07:00

I finished the pink Klaralund. The top shoulder area feels boxy and I think I would like the body to fall a bit lower, more hip than waist. Overall, i love the color and it was a great knit. I wouldn't use the pattern with a boring yarn just because the pattern is so simple.

This is the lace ribbon scarf from Knitty.com made with the silk/wool blend Manos del Uruguay. I LOVE the yarn. The color is great. The yarn is great. The pattern is wonderful once I got it in my head. I wouldn't classify it as a first lace project, but definitely easy to intermediate lace. I would recommend the yarn and the pattern.

The Scrappy Shawl is finished. I'm not sure I like the edge because it rolls. I'm not sure if I'm going to try to do something to mitigate the rolling - like rip out the edge or pick up stitches and add another border. I think the colors work well for just being left overs.

I'm thinking maybe I will have to rip out the cast off edge and knit a couple garter stitch rows. If I do rip it out I may be tempted to try out an edging from Nancy Bush rather than just go with the zombie knitting of garter stitch.

Bones and Knitting

2008-05-21T14:39:00.001-07:00

I watched the last episodes of the season last night. I was wildly disappointed at the quality of post-strike episodes of Bones. It could have been so much better. I think they had some really good ideas with the stalker girl and the ending of the silver bone guy. It just missed the mark when it came to building suspense as well as developing the story enough to make it something other than a great outline of a story. It needed to be beefier.

On the knitting front, I have completed my lace ribbon scarf of Manos Silk. Sweet. I wore it today. It's lovely.

I've finished Klaralund. I don't know if I posted that information or not. I know I haven't posted photos of it.

I've also finished the scrappy shawl that I was working on. I decided that it was long enough for now. I ran out of yarn as I was binding off the edge. grrr so the edge is two shades of pink, which I'm assuming is because of the dye lots are different in the scraps.

I've also written out the directions to finish the edging of the Field of Flowers shawl. I'm hoping that I will be able to work on it tonight before the boyfriend shows up.

Also, my regia scrap sock is ready for me to turn the heel. I'm hoping to do the hourglass heel and have it ready for zombie knitting.

I have to decide whether tonight's window of knitting after work and before dinner will be focused on turning the heel on the sock or working on the edging. I think it will depend on how mentally sharp I feel.

My pet Canadian

2008-05-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am in a state of shock. I received news today that my friend passed away this weekend. I am scrambling for more details, but am at the mercies of others. A former co-worker got an email, then called to let me know. Since then, I've been online looking for more info as well as calling another person at the old job who might have more information.

It's been less than two hours. I just want more details. I want confirmation that it's not a mix-up or cruel joke.

half a body

2008-04-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I managed to get the body sewn up. Today I started sewing up one sleeve. My luck would be to have the recommended directions say another way was better.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

1.75 sleeves

2008-04-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am almost finished with the second sleeve. I thought I might have it done this last weekend, but no such luck.

Did I mention that I am going to New Mexico next month? The coffee guy is taking me to meet his family. The cool thing is that my mom is flying out for business that week so she'll get to meet him. Not so cool, she'll be here all that weekend while I'm in New Mexico. I would be more upset but it sounds like my folks are going to try and make it out here this summer - sweet!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

New phone test

2008-04-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

The new phone has a camera as well as predictive typing, so I'm trying to get used to it.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Run Knitter Run

2008-04-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

It has been over two weeks since I've laced up my shoes for a run. I blame the weather, the new boyfriend, the new job, mocha, ipod. drama and a general apathy. With that out of the way, I was going to find a race to motivate me. I thought it would be a 5k in July - the one I ran last year - and then a 10k in September. Then today I was dinking around online and found that there is a 10k trail race at the end of June. I am so excited. I hoping my two week hiatus hasn't been so much of a problem that I can still finish a 10k in 10 weeks. I've printed out a training schedule for home and work and plan on running when I get home as soon as I can change and get my shoes on.

I have finished the first sleeve for my pink sweater. I've turned it into carpool knitting (aka zombie knitting to work on while waiting for the carpool), so the second sleeve should be done fairly soon. I've also started a ribbon lace scarf in Manos Silk Blend - yes that one from that site. Last night - I was describing to the coffee guy the different types of colored yarn - noro, self striping sock, kettle - as well as color pooling problems. So I want to start working on the Conway socks again. And I have to finish the shetland lace shawl, but it really is going to take at least an hour to figure out where I was, then all the time to figure out what to do to fix it. I would rip out the edging and knit it again if I thought it would actally not end up in a kluge again.

This post started because I still haven't gotten my new phone (with camera) which I had hoped to use for posts. Hopefully it will arrive soon.

I knew there were a few, but this is too much..

2008-04-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
3,199
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Light Speed again

2008-03-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

I may have stomped on the gas in the relationship arena. We've started paging through relationship (cough - marriage - cough) books. Asking for them from the library was ok. Picking them up was ok. Talking about them, cracking them open, reading a bit and discussing them a bit - that all has my head about to explode and me diving for the nearest brown paper sack (hyperventilating). The books in addition to his comment about emailing Sts. Mark, James and Brendan about pre-cana classes (wedding stuff). Me thinking about it is one thing, but HIM looking into it is another.

We split the books up. He got the ones asking about our shopping habits - I get the book that asks what our expectations are of marriage - what we expect to lose and whether we've mourned the loss. I want the fluff and stuff book!

Instead I'm asking myself if the desire to marry isn't driven out of fear of not finding anyone... At all... Ever... Now that I've written this I understand that's pretty funny and we're a pretty good match.

We have similar spiritual beliefs and desire to act on those beliefs. I've been trained to be a bit more prayerful and have just started to get active in my community. He's better able to discuss the subtilties of our faith with other Christians. Food is an important part of family bonding, eating together, feeding, being fed, cooking.

I've been thinking of my expectations of marriage for the last couple days. I haven't come up with much. I was thinking about what I'd lose by marrying and my cat came to the top of the list. His sister and cousin are allergic. So it would seem that I would at the very least not get a replacement should something happen to JD and might have to give him up. So that's a whole ball of emotion and something I don't have to worry about today.

Ok that went well enough

2008-03-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

I mentioned to coffee boy that I was not ok with single women being at his house. I am not ok with him drinking and/or hanging out with drinking women. I am not ok with other women staying over night at his place.

He wasn't suprised.

He just was wondering when I was going to say something about it. With that out of the way, I was able to enjoy the home made pasta and perogi. We even smushed some dough and made noodles after we ate. I'm beginning to love that kitchen.

Geek Mating Rituals

2008-03-14T09:52:00.001-07:00

I thought this one was funny.

Yesterday I wanted to upload my running data to Nike. My internet is non-existent right now so I asked the coffee guy if I could use his. Anyway, last night he gave me his wireless key - now I can use his internet connection if I bring my computer to his house and have nothing better to do. Making me dinner, buying me flowers, sharing his internets - aaaaaaaw.

Suprise!

2008-03-11T11:52:00.001-07:00

I found out yesterday that the traveler and that woman are "taking it slow" - dude WTF? I knew that I was too emotionally healthy for him, but damn. I keep asking that my ego be removed from the process b/c I keep going to if only I was skinnier and prettier which is WAY not true. Now I really question his judgement.

Another fabulous weekend

2008-03-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

It was a freaky good weekend. The coffee guy was over a bunch. We watched a bunch of Battlestar Galactica. We had some awesome conversation about where we are, how we got there and where we are going. I'm over the moon. I want to share gooey-sappy details with anyone who will listen, but then again I don't want to open myself up to ridicule.

Emotions are funny things. Things with the coffee guy have catapulted into the next dimension, I could use words like "God planned from the beginning of time" but stuff like that can get over used. This weekend I made a conscious decision to go have coffee with friends b/c I knew the traveler would be there.

He was there, but there was another woman sitting on the other side of him. (Insert cat hissing noise here). He stood right up and gave me a hug, asked how I was doing. Intoduced me to the woman - we had met previously. I don't like her. I never have.

10 minutes earlier I was thanking God for the coffee guy and that I hadn't gotten involved with the traveler (b/c I would have missed th coffee guy). I was going to thank the traveler for not accepting any of my lewd-but-honest-at-the-time proposals. Then I just got lambasted by this visceral dislike of the woman. I spent the next hour or so trying to puzzle out my reaction - was it jealousy? If I'm involved with someone else I should be happy that he's got someone. The group was breaking up for the night and so I was talking both of them - had calmed down enough to make an effort to be nice to her. Complemented her on her haircut - it was a supercute pixie cut that I've tried, but never look good in. She appologized and started picking cat hair off my fleece and it was right back to cat noises.

I festered a bit about this. She is slim and endeavours to dress well and wear makeup. About a year (or more) ago I didn't like her b/c she was WAY skinnier than I was and had the traveler's attention. Today I realized she feels threatened by me - I am more fit now. I feel great. Life is going great and for whatever reason, the cathair picking and other comments about how she's more "whatever" than me is her problem. She was going with the traveler to eat at a restaraunt I had considered "our" place and declined the offer to go along.

It seems that I have gotten to a different place in my relationship with the traveler. We will soon see how it develops - can we still be friends or does it fade to happy acquaintences?

As far as who I let deeper into my heart - I know I made the right decision.

How to keep the balance

2008-03-07T16:34:00.001-08:00

I haven't been running as much as I would like. The new job and the new man in addition to the stuff that I've been doing for spiritual enrichment have made running a lower priority. It's lame I know. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday have been my running days. Now I have things to do Monday through Wednesday PM. I can squeeze in a run between work and Tuesday PM activities b/c I don't care if I show up stinky. Last night I didn't run b/c I invited the coffee guy for dinner - so making dinner replaced squeezing in a run b/c it was easier than showering.

Now my 100 by April 1 is in jeopardy. I need to revisit my game plan for the month when it comes to training.
Cats are friends NOT food.

Dating and the English language

2008-03-05T13:39:00.001-08:00

Also known as "WTF did he just say?"

I have a friend in her late 50's. I had a boyfriend for three years, but she always called him my "friend". There is the term "girlfriend" which is commonly used to describe friends who happen to be platonic and female as well as romatic female interests.

Which brings us to hanging out, dating, courting and hooking up... I sometimes wish the world of male-female relationships had a stricter sense of rules. If the male and female do x then it can be called y, if not then it can be called z. Now throw in the inability to read between the lines, human emotions and insecurities as well as the confusion associated with email communications and I am screwed.

Yesterday was spent contemplating a message from the coffee guy. By the end of the day I was confused and frustrated and just decided to give up on trying to iron out the mars-venus translation issues.

Once I decided to pretty much ignore the whole thing I had something resembling peace until I started chewing on the noise complaint call I got from the leasing office. Someone was pissed that I was doing laundry during quiet hours (10pm to 8am) - yes I was doing laundry during this time. So I chewed on that for a while.
Cats are friends NOT food.

Another quantum speed thingy

2008-03-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

My head is reeling a bit this morning. I was up at 4am again, but refused to do anything about it. When the alarm went off at 6am I thought I hit the snooze button, but it was the off button - whoops!
Cats are friends NOT food.

My First Day of Work

2008-02-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

I am exhausted. I should really be in bed instead of writing this and watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles, but alas here I am. I like the new show. I need a bit of time to unwind. It's been a busy day. I didn't sleep well last night and was up several times last night.

The first day went as well as could be expected. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed by their expectations of me.

New Layers

2008-02-24T10:24:00.000-08:00

The big news that I've been holding off on presenting is that I have a new kick-ass job. I have been so afraid to jinx it, but I start Monday. It was a very smooth and quick transition from when the new guy gave my name to the recruiter to my start date. All said, less than a month I would bet. I am so excited. It's a great opportunity. It's great money, great benefits, and great title. I like the folks that I've met from the team.

I really didn't think that I was going to get the offer. I went to the interview because it's alway nice to think that someone wants you. I got up early, dressed up and drove in the AM commute traffic all because I wanted the ego boost and a tall mocha. The interview went more like a chat over coffee than a grill. I wasn't expecting a panel interview, but there were three of them in the room. They showed me around the data center - oooo boxes with little red and green lights, lots of white noise. The last time I was impressed with a data center is when they had a Cray that was used to 3D rendering of urban plans and there was a little virtual reality cube in the conference room next to it.

Anyway, I bought my coffee. My car found reverse. Traffic was bad so I took the scenic route toward home. It was about 45 minutes after the interview ended that I called the recruiter to tell him how the interview went. He had already heard back from the company. They wanted to make me an offer directly - no contract to hire period. Sweet! They mentioned a number. I thought it was acceptable. I called my brother, Dad and the new guy to give them the good news. By 6pm that night I had the verbal offer. I had to lay down when they mentioned the number. I am embarassed to mention the money, but it really did stun me. I have been incredibly blessed by God.

It was a couple days later before I got the offer in writing. When I did, the title was different. I was confused, so I had to ask my brother if it was an improvement from the previous title that I thought was for the job offer. He seems to think that it's an improvement from the interview title. Is it a better title than the job I was working? Hard to tell. They really had a problem with inflated titles at that place.

This week had been a flurry of activity - closing the home office and shipping stuff back east, shopping for work clothes since I've lost a bunch of weight and have been working from home for a year (jean not jammies). Friday I went to the salon for a cut and color - partial foil really. She cut between 3 and 6 inches off. The color is incredibly bright. I'm having a hard time getting used to it and would have prefered something a bit more tame especially with the new job.

Today's title comes from the haircut - shorter and layered as well as the coffee guy. I think we're getting past the first dating masks to the next layer. I would say more, but it was pointed out yesterday that I am incredibly superstitious and I don't want to jinx it. (we could go into the deeper discussion of superstition and how it doesn't fit into a life of Faith, but I don't have the energy - I have to get ready for a date)

Today the Sun was shining

2008-02-17T23:14:00.001-08:00

Because the sun was out, there were tons of people out and about in the Puget Sound area. I was up and about early. My morning routine went well. I was able to meet a friend, go to the art store and still call the new guy about a road trip by 11am. We headed north to Larabee State Park. We stopped at one of the beaches that I've been to before, then we also stopped at Teddy Bear something or another. Even I was huffing a bit by the time we got to the top of the trail again.

I guess the Larabee State Park is on Chuckanut Mountain or near it. We took a side trip to Nooksack, because the name is funny. We were able to find our way back to Ferndale for dinner. Where I learned the the UW quarterback is from Ferndale. I can't remember the kid's name, but the girl in Ferndale thought that he was THE COOLEST thing ever.

Notable stuff - I spent nearly 9 hours with the new guy today, 7 hours Saturday and I still like him.

Also, despite the physical activity this afternoon, I ran for about an hour on the treadmill when I got home. My goal is to run 3 times a week for the next 4 weeks. Hopefully at the end of the 4 weeks my life will have settled down enough for me to focus on training again. I'm going to try and keep tempo, speed and long runs but as long as I'm moving I'm going to consider it a win.

One change in my life is the guy. I'm pretty sure he's going to be sticking around for a while, but it has been influencing where/what I've been eating as well as my running. I'm waiting for one final bit of information before I officially announce the other big change b/c I don't want to jinx it.

Fence around the Field of Flowers

2008-02-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

For whatever reason, the number of stitches on the edging is not matching up. I did the math and with a bit luck and some fudging figured out that if I un-knit some rows from the front end and do a few more double rows it will eventually match up close enough for me to kitchner.

I love kitchner. I will love having this project done.

A Hole in my Garden

Tulips

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

Weekend progress and hummingbird temptress

Winter pansies

Bleeding heart 2 weeks later

Heaven in my backyard

The next victim

Saturday after

Friday after

The hole in my garden

Cherry blossoms opened

Love doesn't always turn out the way you expect

No really - there is a hole in my garden

Science experiments in a brita

Timidly tacking shiny satin

My Chimney

Icon donor

Cat shot

Attack cat

54 and fair

Art Quilt 0 - it didn't start that way

PM work

My drive

Gyotake?

Rice - of beans and rice

Headache medicine? or mere cat?

Morning drive

Drops on the branches

2009 Best Christmas Tree

Bah - still at work

Backyard Leaves

Christmas cups are gone

Orange gingerbread cookies

Scott socks

two almonds and half an egg white

Sunday discovery

Home Home Home

Testing o - Part 1

Testing o - Part 2

Testing o - Part 3

Testing o - Part 4

What is it?

Money and Passwords

tnt Tuesday

45 Days to Hawaii

49 Days - Hairy Succulents

50 days - Whoops

53 Days to Hawaii - life still sucks

54 Days - the interior struggle

56 Days - Sunshine and Tulips

Gratitude and Life

Snow is pretty - 57 Days

58 Days - Ash Wednesday

Fat Tuesday

Sleep and Change

61 Days

When Do I Start the Countdown

Hawaii Uh Oh

Knitting and Boys and the Big 6

Itchy Eyes

Day 2 of new habits

Vegetables and Meatloaf

Knitting and the big 6

Horrible Cold and Shopping

Testing the Microsoft World Dominations

Christmas Lists

Kitty in *love*

Antiques for Christmas

But Wait!

Cold War Movies

Drawing in Color

Artsy, Leadership and Politics

Summer Colds and Winter Plans

Men are Idiots - again

Blogger is sucking

One Hat to Rule Them All

My Big Mouth

Kitty in love